When we talk about personal and professional success, we usually think of technical skills or experience. However, the so-called “soft” skills are strategic for anyone who wants to work on their development.
Studies carried out by Harvard University have revealed that Emotional intelligence (EI) accounts for up to 90% of the difference between average and extraordinary leaders. This set of interpersonal and self-regulation skills not only predicts performance at work, but also the quality of our relationships and overall well-being.
So what exactly do emotionally intelligent people do? How to start increasing Emotional Intelligence to an advanced level? Here you find a practical guide to the 20 behaviors of high emotional dominance:
1. They recognize their emotions before acting
Knowing what you are feeling at all times is key. This level of self-awareness allows you to act with clarity rather than impulsivity.
Practical tip: Before responding in a discussion, take three deep breaths. This calms your nervous system.
2. They practice active empathy with others
Emotionally intelligent people don’t just listen; They feel what others feel and adapt their responses accordingly.
Tip: When talking, try to put yourself in the other person’s situation, listen carefully and ask questions if you have doubts, instead of assuming.
3. They remain calm in stressful situations
Emotional resilience is demonstrated in the most tense moments. Advanced Intelligence will help you manage balance in the midst of chaos.
Tip: Practice meditation or mindfulness exercises 5 minutes a day to develop a greater ability to stay focused.
4. They accept change as part of life
They understand that life is dynamic and that resisting change only generates frustration. That is why they have a high level of cognitive flexibility.
Tip: When facing a change, focus on identifying an opportunity within the new situation and the learning you can extract.
5. They genuinely apologize when they make a mistake.
They do not see vulnerability as a weakness, but as a strength that strengthens relationships.
Tip: Use phrases like “I’m sorry for…”, “I apologize for…”, “I apologize, I was wrong…”, instead of justifying your actions.
6. They seek to learn from every experience, even the negative ones.
Every challenge is an opportunity to grow and improve.
Tip: After a difficult situation, write down three things you learned from it. This helps you become aware that you are incorporating something new.
7. They make decisions based on values, not just emotions
Those who have advanced Emotional Intelligence do not allow a momentary impulse to determine important decisions.
Tip: Before deciding, ask yourself: “Does this align with my core values?”
8. They practice gratitude daily
Being grateful for even the little things in your personal and professional life improves your outlook and well-being.
Tip: Write down three things you are grateful for every night before you go to sleep.
9. They build relationships based on trust
They understand that trust is the cornerstone of any genuine connection.
Tip: Be consistent in your words and actions to strengthen trust.
10. They know when to pause and breathe
They do not rush to respond under pressure. They take preventive measures, for example: they do not go beyond “yes” when they can say “no” or delegate; They do not procrastinate, and they choose the moments.
Tip: Use the 4-7-8 technique (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8) to calm yourself.
11. They give feedback in a constructive and kind way
They focus on providing neutral observations about the behavior or fact, not about the person, and always with empathy.
Tip: Start your feedback with “I appreciate that you did this, and I stand out to you (in some ways, honestly). However, from my perspective, I think we could improve…”
12. They are curious about others’ perspectives
They seek to understand instead of judge.
Tip: In discussions, ask yourself: “What can I learn from this point of view?” and “Does the person or their argument/idea bother me?”
13. They focus on solutions, not problems
They reframe difficulties as challenges they can solve.
Tip: When something doesn’t work, write down three possible solutions before complaining. At work, eliminate the complaint and change it to three alternatives, to choose the best possible.
14. They set healthy boundaries without guilt
People with advanced Emotional Intelligence do not sacrifice their well-being for the approval of others.
Tip: Learn to say “I can’t right now” and renegotiate things, without justifying yourself.
15. They recover quickly from failures
Resilience and antifragility training are your best allies; They do not see failure as something final, but as a necessary step within moments of success and achievement.
Tip: After a failure or mistakes, reflect and establish a plan to improve it next time.
16. They recognize other people’s emotions without assuming them as their own.
They know how to empathize without carrying the emotional weight of others.
Tip: Use phrases like “I understand how you feel” to validate without absorbing or being emotional sponges.
17. They manage conflicts with empathy and firmness
They approach conflicts without running away or being aggressive. They don’t take what others say personally: they frame it and move on, focusing on solutions.
Tip: Use “yes, and…” instead of “but” to validate emotions and propose solutions. The “but” generally invalidates everything else that is expressed.
18. They detect emotional manipulations and avoid them
They identify toxic behaviors and establish healthy barriers for themselves and others.
Tip: Trust your intuition when you feel that someone is manipulating the situation.
19. They practice self-compassion to take care of themselves
They treat each other with the same kindness they would offer a close friend.
Tip: Talk to yourself as you would with someone you love. Take care of your ruminative thoughts (what you tell yourself inside) and do verbal ecology: write down the language you use most frequently, and see if it helps you or stops you.
20. They take the time necessary to respond, not react
In people with advanced Emotional Intelligence, the pause is their tool to avoid unnecessary conflicts. Additionally, they take time to respond in most situations, allowing them to be more assertive.
Tip: Before responding to a difficult message, allow 10 minutes to pass. Do not respond or commit to something while angry, or too excited and happy: seek to be neutral in your emotionality when faced with transcendent decisions.
Emotional intelligence is not a gift, it is a daily practice that anyone can develop. As studies show, integrating these behaviors improves the quality of life and enhances the impact you have on others.
Daniel Colombo
Facilitator and Master Executive Coach specialized in senior management, professionals and teams; mentor and professional communicator; international speaker; author of 33 books. LinkedIn Top Voice Latin America. ICF certified professional coach at the highest level, Certified Coach, Member and Mentor in Maxwell Leadership, the John Maxwell team.
